Dear Adam,
My grown daughter, with whom I share a close relationship, recently let it slip that I don’t always dress “age appropriately.” I think my décolleté at a recent soiree may have caused her some embarrassment. Is there a point at which I should keep my bosom under wraps? I think of my style as lively, colorful and fashionable. It’s my time to live, without apology, but should I be worried about embarrassing my daughter or anybody else?
Bosom Buddy
Dear BB,
It sounds to me like your daughter feels that the sins of the mother are visited upon the daughter. So allow me to correct her: There are no sins here.
“Age-appropriate?” That’s one of those ridiculously outdated concepts–like “maiden aunt,” “confirmed bachelor” or “polyester blend”—that just piss me off
Sure, time was when any woman over 40 was expected to pin her hair up in a tight bun and cover every inch of bare skin in burlap. But those days are long gone, BB, and it’s time your daughter woke up and smelled the Crepe Erase. Has your daughter had a gander at 60-year-old Madonna lately? Madge isn’t rocking any modesty panels–and she looks sexier than ever.
To put it plainly, Mama, they’re your boobs, and you should show as much or as little of them in public as you please.
Now, full disclosure: You’re getting this advice from a man who’s been spotted on a busy city street wearing nothing but a jockstrap and a smile. I mean, why shouldn’t the rest of the world get to enjoy my perfectly round assets, especially on Gay Pride Weekend? Butt I digress.
As for whether there are occasions in which you should refrain from showing off those Golden Globes, well… sure. If you’re attending a funeral, testifying in court or reading to small children, it’s probably best to keep your ta-tas tented.
But if you’re out celebrating, there’s no reason the twins can’t be too. And if your daughter doesn’t like it, tell her she’s living in the past and can take a long walk down Mammary Lane.
Gaily yours,
Adam
