In The Groove
  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness
Jewelry Sandals Are The Chicest Trend of Summer
The Daytime Dress Edit: Occasion Dressing Made Easy
Groove Approved: Everything We Loved In April
The Best Dresses Under $100 That Won’t Break...
The Best Stylish Spring Jackets
The Best New Beauty Products You’ll Use To...
The Swimsuits You’ll Look, And Feel, Good In...
Sporty Spice: Our Favorite Golf, Tennis, and Pickleball...
How To Wear Bermuda Shorts This Summer
Drawstring Pants Get A Serious Style Upgrade This...

In The Groove

Inspiring Women To Own Their Age & Style

  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness

SIGN UP

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

Anti-AgingBeauty

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Writer Phyllis Berger takes on her soul searching journey of what to do about her neck.
by Phyllis Berger May 14, 2019
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Why didn’t you tell me my neck would fall?

The scene is a gathering at lunch with a group of women friends. We’re all on different diets, or healthy eating plans, which is the more politically correct way of saying that we’re 2 pounds from having to live in elastic waist pants.  One of us is a Weight Watcher who orders a salmon salad and takes out her measuring spoon and pours one tablespoon of olive oil on the lettuce, another is a whole foods vegan who eats nothing that has been cooked over 118 degrees Farenheit, and another is on the high protein keto plan so she ordered a steak lathered in butter. In this way we are all different. But we are bonded in many other areas and there is one that leaps to the top of the list.

We are all of a certain age and that is to say that I am certain we are all over 50. One of us poses the hypothetical question, “if you were to be allowed only one (or one more) cosmetic surgery. What will it be?” And with that, these women all flap the hanging chads under their chin and shout, “the neck! It has to be the neck!”

Let me pay homage to Nora Ephron who felt badly about her neck 13 years ago before I had to face this awful truth on my own. 13 years ago I felt badly about my extra 20 pounds, having my father’s legs, giving up a career, and yelling at my teenage children. 13 years later not much has changed except that I have traded yelling at my kids, who cleverly grew up and moved out of the house, for finding new brown spots on my skin, counting crevices around my mouth, and taking and deleting selfies of my neck.

The strange thing is that I’m so generous with everyone else when they ponder if they should do fillers, tuck their tummies or lift their faces. I almost always vote against it telling them they look great and I almost always mean it. But when it comes to self assessment all I can do is look at my profile in the mirror and wonder if, instead of obsessively trying to lose 20 pounds, I should be gaining weight which might fill in the skin around my neck making that the solution. And that thought almost always leads to a bowl of pasta.

If the eyes are the mirror into the soul, the neck is the mirror that screams you’re heading past the middle age mark. It is unforgiving. I might feel 40 on the inside, but the neck is like a neon sign advertising my true age. Left untouched it doesn’t lie. It seemed to me that this happened overnight. One day, I thought I looked good for my age and the next morning while taking a walk, I felt the wind flapping against what I thought was the scarf around my neck except that I wasn’t wearing a scarf. When I got home and looked in the mirror, I thought, “It’s my Grandma Esther.”

I was lucky enough to recently go a trip to India with several of my women friends. India, it seems, is not only a spiritual destination, but it turns out that it’s also an amazing destination for the purchase of scarves, deftly feeding the soul and the wardrobe at the same time. Up until this trip, the only scarf I owned was a 20 year old wool thing that I would keep for the occasional foray into cold climates. But on this trip all of the women were in a feeding frenzy for scarves. They taught me how a scarf flung around the neck just right can hide the turkey neck and draw attention to the beautiful accessory instead. I bought 15 scarves. For the first few weeks back in Los Angeles, I donned a new scarf everyday. It didn’t matter that some days the temperature rose to the upper 70s and I was trading showing off my neck for perspiring in unattractive places. My sagging neck was kept under wraps.

There are many variations on the demise of the firm youthful neck. There are women who have several deep lines running across the circumference of their necks mimicking the rings on a tree trunk that determine the age of the tree. I never saw that in myself but for the purpose of research, I took a new round of selfies of my neck. I was horrified to find that in addition to the loose droop, those tell-tale rings around the neck have appeared without warning as suddenly as Kafka’s Gregor’s transformation from man to cockroach. And without mercy the skin above the neck has decided to fall to meet its brethren.

So what to make of all of this? One thing leads to another and, although I haven’t checked this out for myself yet, friends tell me that you can’t do the neck without lifting the face and when I think about that, all that comes to my mind is, “then what?” And having done a couple of things in the past (more on that another time), I know that these tweaks are never as easy as the doctors say and I also know that I’ll still have my father’s legs so where will it stop? It’s a personal decision but, for me, I think I’ll just buy some summer weight scarves and sweat this one out.

0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest Email
Phyllis Berger

Related Posts

Groove Approved: Everything We Loved In April

April 26, 2025

The Best New Beauty Products You’ll Use To...

March 31, 2025

Groove Approved: What We Loved This Month

March 28, 2025

The 2025 Mother’s Day Gift Guide Is Here!

April 22, 2025

Groove Approved: What We Loved In February

February 28, 2025

Menopause Registry: Everything You Need To Thrive During...

February 6, 2025

ITG’s Best Winter Haircare: Say Goodbye To Bad...

January 6, 2025

ITG Skincare Essentials: Products We Use To The...

January 22, 2025

ITG’s Favorites of 2024: The Best-Selling Pieces You...

December 20, 2024

Best of Beauty 2024: The Products We Used...

December 24, 2024

Summer Loving

Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube
  • Tiktok
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Affiliate Disclosure

@2022 - In The Groove | Terms Of Service | Privacy Policy

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT