In The Groove
  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness
In Our Carts: What Our Editors Are Shopping...
The Beachy, Summery Jewelry Your Wardrobe Is Missing
Your Easy Summer Beauty Routine Is Waiting For...
50 Under $100: Fun Things To Treat Yourself...
Blue And White Is Summer’s Perfect Pairing
The Cardigan Is A Summer Style Must-Have
Trend Report: Leather Flip Flops Are Everywhere This...
Hot Flash Survival Guide: Everything You Need To...
Get the Look: A Perfect Summer White Skirt
How To Wear White Pants, No Matter How...

In The Groove

Inspiring Women To Own Their Age & Style

  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness

SIGN UP

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

Lifestyle

Ask Adam: The Bar Mitzvah Dilemma

Don't regret sending your regrets.
by Adam September 25, 2018
Ask Adam: The Bar Mitzvah Dilemma

Dear Adam,

Do I have to attend my sister-in-law’s grandson’s Bar Mitzvah? I mean, really, I don’t know the child or his parents. My sister-in-law is a good friend–not a great one. If not for marriage, my Birkenstocks would never have graced her Stark carpets. Maybe she invited me because she thinks she must. How do I get out of this? Any ideas?

Mitzvah Mania

Dear MM,

Your sister-in-law’s grandson’s Bar Mitzvah?! Ov vey! What’s next–an invitation to your cousin’s hairdresser’s dog’s christening?

Listen very carefully, honey: I want you to grab that invitation and check the “Will Not Attend” box faster than it takes to say “Hava Nagila.”

Let’s get real, sis. As a gay man, I receive literally hundreds of invitations a year, and there simply aren’t enough cute outfits in my closet for me to attend them all. So the criteria I’ve developed with regard to RSVPs is one I strongly advise you to take up as well, and it boils down to one simple question:

Do I want to attend this event?

If the answer is anything but “Hell, yeah,” I send my regrets. Life is too short to spend time doing anything you don’t actually want or need to do–especially if it involves a karaoke machine and a candle-lighting ceremony.

Now to your second question: How do you get out of this? I totally understand the guilt associated with a negative RSVP. I’m a Jew too; my mother has perfected the art of guilt. So if your sister-in-law should ask, you can always feign a previous engagement–“Unfortunately, that’s the weekend I’m at a hot yoga retreat” or something like that.

But guess what? You don’t owe her an explanation or an excuse. “I wish I could, but I won’t be able to make it” is a perfectly polite and acceptable way to express the fact that you won’t be dancing the Hora that day.

And P.S. Given that you don’t know this child and are not a blood relative, you’re under no obligation to send a gift either. If you do want to spring for something, don’t go crazy. If he’s anything like I was at 13, he’ll be thrilled to receive the original cast album of Evita.

Now about those Birkenstocks…

Gaily yours,

Adam

 

Have a question for Adam? Ask him here!

1
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest Email
Adam

Related Posts

Hot Flash Survival Guide: Everything You Need To...

June 28, 2025

The Summer Hostess Gifts Our Editors Bring, From...

June 9, 2025

40 Perfect Father’s Day Gift Guides For The...

May 22, 2025

The 2025 Mother’s Day Gift Guide Is Here!

April 22, 2025

Menopause Registry: Everything You Need To Thrive During...

February 6, 2025

Packing 101: Stay Vacation Ready With Our Favorite...

January 28, 2025

Make Your Home Cozier For The Holidays With...

December 19, 2024

Coffee Table Books Make The Best Last-Minute Gifts

December 17, 2024

30 Stocking Stuffers People Will Actually Want

December 12, 2024

The Gift Guide For Him: Perfect Presents For...

December 5, 2024

Life Is Good

Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube
  • Tiktok
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Affiliate Disclosure

@2022 - In The Groove | Terms Of Service | Privacy Policy

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT