In The Groove
  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • -White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
On Cloud Sneakers Are Our Favorites For Work...
How To Wear A Canadian Tuxedo
The 30 Best Pairs Of Spring Loafers To...
Mersea Will Be Your New Favorite Brand This...
In Our Editors’ Carts: The 11 Things We’re...
8 Most Popular Myths About Face Oil, Debunked
The Best Spring Dresses Make Easy Instant Outfits
30 Belts That Provide The Perfect Final Touch...
The Shapewear Solutions To Help You Feel Your...
Color Crush: Blue and White Forever

In The Groove

Inspiring Women To Own Their Age & Style

  • Shop
    • In The Groove Shop
    • Fashion
    • -White Shirt Shop
    • Beauty
    • Lifestyle
    • Wellness
    • Groove Approved
  • Menopause Registry
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle

SIGN UP

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

LifestyleLove

The Great Healing

Finding the “me” again after my true love’s death
by Debbie Kasper December 17, 2018
The Great Healing

When my partner Pat was diagnosed with his second cancer in nine years – he’d already spent many years sick with me as head nurse.  Some days I was Nurse Ratchet—and that was the best I could do but I’d always show up for my shift.  I’d never been much of a nurturer,  I never had kids   I was always too much of a narcissist to have children, I know that doesn’t stop others, but I am a narcissist with a conscience.  Thank God I’d read The Clara Barton Story as a teen, or I’d have really been lost.

In a former life I’d been a comedienne/writer, and making people laugh was my day’s goal and need, and that was what I’d been working for my whole life.  Now my audience was a single man in bed, and I started working the bedroom, “Hey…did you ever notice…?”  Pat never lost his sense of humor, so he’d laugh, and we’d laugh both knowing how healing that was. “Thank you I’ll be at “Pat’s Pad” all week long.”  

Pat’s chronic illness had eaten away at us like a school of piranhas, taking thousands of sharp bites while we watched, yelling “ouch” every now and then.  Sometimes we’d both scream out in frustration, “What happened to our lives?” Then we’d shake our heads in a mutual WTF–one of the few things we could still do together.  I felt like I didn’t recognize myself—his cancers had taken the “me” out of me.  I’d been forced to take a job, give up my career, and miss social dinners, and boy I was hungry.

Then–the very moment the love of my life died, I felt a relief that embarrassed me. I tried to hide the joy I felt over being free for the first time in almost a decade. Girlfriends immediately enveloped me like penguins surrounding their wounded in an Antarctic circle of cold. It was perfect, cozy – there’s nothing like female healing—they showed up in droves with dinner, lunch, laundry, laughs. We had the kind of laughs that were real, deep, guttural, the kind that eventually collapses into tears, and sometimes I’d weep for days.

I planned a few trips — I hadn’t been able to take one for so many years, and like Steve McQueen in “The Great Escape” I just had to get out.  My favorite cousin and I drove up the coast of Northern California and into Oregon. We’d grown up together, but our paths hadn’t crossed as much as we would have liked.  We rehashed childhoods, re-imagined our future dreams, reignited old arguments –whose boyfriend was cutest in eighth grade–who was prettier?  Rekindling arguments we started in the seventies—who pierced whose ears? It was a perfect healing sitting amidst the Redwoods, overlooking the Pacific–meditating, giggling, remembering, crying.  That iconic rocky coast laid out before me like a metaphor to begin the climb, again.  So I laced up my UGHS.

I really wasn’t convinced that I’d be able to find myself again, at the worst depths of my hell, my creativity seemed so far out of reach—as if it had disappeared like a winter’s sun taking its last dip into the horizon–you know it will be a while before you’ll be in the sunlight of its spirit, again.  I was thrilled when I began to write again–about everything, anything. Ideas were flying out of me faster than I could catch them. All I could do was direct them to rightful homes; books, plays, essays, pilots, jokes. I was back; I’d released my “me” again—re-sparking the relationship with my other lover – my creativity.  I was artist hear me roar.

We all know how short life is, but then short…takes on a reality—and you feel this primal urge to re-boot. I am almost a year past Pat’s death, and I’m in a renaissance of purpose and hope—and I finally understand how truly profound a renaissance can be. The dark ages have passed and out of the disappointment emerges the light.

 

2
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest Email
Debbie Kasper

Related Posts

The Best Books To Curl Up With This...

January 10, 2023

The Self-Care Rituals We’re Practicing To Kick Off...

January 7, 2023

The 2023 Valentine’s Guy Gift Guide Is Here

January 27, 2023

The Most Giftable Coffee Table Books For Last...

December 15, 2022

The Under $50 Gift Guide

November 23, 2022

The Guys Gift Guide Is Here To Make...

November 26, 2022

Our Under $100 Gift Guide Is Here To...

November 23, 2022

The 2022 Cozy Gift Guide Will Keep You...

November 29, 2022

Put A Monogram On It: Our 2022 Monogrammed...

November 8, 2022

The 2022 Girlfriend’s Gift Guide Is Here!

November 22, 2022

Life Is Good

Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Stay In The Groove

Subscribe for good times.
We'll party like it’s 1979.

Follow Us On Instagram

Comment below! We can’t wait to hear your though Comment below! We can’t wait to hear your thoughts. 

#proaging #styleover50 #ageismisneverinstyle #aging #agingunfiltered #agingwithattitude
Want to boldly step into your style? Sign up for o Want to boldly step into your style? Sign up for our fashion-forward newsletter! It’s free and delivered straight to your inbox. Head to the link in our bio to sign up!

https://getinthegroove.com/newsletter-sign-up/
I’m always on the lookout for new brands and sto I’m always on the lookout for new brands and stores that speak to me. @merseaco is that kind of clothing company. I love their carefully curated and designed collections that have an emphasis on travel essentials, from pretty dresses to cozy cashmere wraps to easy pants. We put together an edit of our favorite pieces, and you can even get 20% off on your first purchase when you enter Groove20 at checkout. Head to the link in our bio to shop! #sponsored 

https://liketk.it/44zg4
#springstyle #springdresses #springdress #floraldresses #outfitinspiration #outfitideas
What would you add? #aging #agingwell #proaging What would you add? 

#aging #agingwell #proaging #womenover50 #gettingolder #agingwithattitude #agingredefined
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube
  • Tiktok
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Affiliate Disclosure

@2022 - In The Groove | Terms Of Service | Privacy Policy

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT